My friend, Cindy N., brought me an envelope full of seeds from her sweet pea plants. She had been disappointed and bewildered when she came into my house and rushed to smell the large bouquet of sweet pea blossoms in a vase near my front door, only to find they are silk flowers; beautiful, but no scent. Why have silk flowers when you can have the real thing? So, she brought me seeds, and she cheerily expected me to plant them and nurture them into flowers.
I tripped and spilled the seeds all over the lawn the first time I intended to plant! Cindy and I laughed over that, and she brought me another envelope of seeds. After I planted them, I bought a watering can so I could gently and daily water them, as per Cindy's instructions. Once the sprouts became recognizable little plants, they became part of Ralph's morning watering routine, and they continued to grow with little attentions.
I tried giving the seedlings sticks to climb up, but they are happier with the old screen I brought down from the attic and punched a few extra holes in. The little tendrils find the tiniest snags to poke themselves into and hang on. The flowers are starting to come out, now, and the colors and fragrance are fresh and alive.
I’ve been in depression for three years, following an emotional blow that wasn’t nearly as momentous as what some of you have suffered, but I appreciate those of you who recognize that pain is pain. I’m beginning to emerge from this dark place, and I hope there is some beauty and fragrance in what comes to life. I so appreciate the friends who have continued to love me while I have held them at arm’s length. At times, I tried to erect little “sticks” for relationship to connect to, allowing glimpses of my wounded soul, but no one really wanted to attach themselves to my hurts.